7.29.2008

I Have a Confession to Make...

I am in fact...

96% percent female...

At least according to a rather interesting algorithm that uses your browser history to estimate your gender. Since math isn't my strong suit, it's best you click on the link to really understand how it works but in short, it uses (sort of) simple math to determine the 'male to female' ratios of websites. Then, it uses that data against the number of websites you visit.

Now, the rub here is that it only takes into account the ten thousand most popular websites, so a lot of the porn sites on a fairly regular basis (except one) didn't make the list.

Another interesting thing here, and something that had a lot to do with my results is that a lot of 'popular' websites are either gender neutral or slightly skewed to females.

Here's what I mean (from my results):

google.com: 0.98
myspace.com: 0.74 (no
real surprise there)
amazon.com: 0.9
last.fm: 0.96
hotmail.com: 0.83
ilike.com: 0.89

'Popular' sites that are more or less gender neutral (thus not helping my cause):

youtube.com: 1
wikipedia.org: 1.08
cnn.com: 1.35
blogger.com: 1.06
imdb.com: 1.06
hypem.com: 1.27

And finally... the websites in my history that apparently make me a tranny:

livejournal.com: 0.68
urbanoutfitters.com: 0.6
movietickets.com: 0.8
americanapparel.net: 0.89
bananarepublic.com: 0.61

I guess only women and gay men buy clothes (or movie tickets) online... perfect.

My only saving grace:

videobox.com: 2.08

Of course... porn to the rescue. I probably would have scored 100% female otherwise, which would have only given my partner
more ammunition to mock me with in regards to my 'gayness.' Not like she isn't going to make fun of me relentlessly anyway.

But really, with those numbers... I fucking deserve it.

P.S.: I don't really have to tell you this isn't exactly done with MIT like precision and is solely for entertainment do I?

~ Alex Rose

7.23.2008

Is It 2008? Or 1808?

Occasionally, I visit the website of porn empire Evil Angel to get an idea of some (the porn universe is pretty massive after all) of the content directors are putting out there nowadays. I'm not necessarily a fan of their work as a whole, but I often scan over a host of porn sites in case something interesting catches my eye or I come across a particular girl I think is really hot.

Anyway, I didn't even get to the pages with their content because I noticed a banner on the main page that said "Defend Our Porn"

I click on the banner, and when I realize what was going on... I wanted to throw my computer against the wall.

I know when I talk about certain things, I always mention how fucking angry it makes me. My partner says one thing she really likes about me is how passionate (whether I'm excited or fucking pissed) I am about what I've chosen to do. Anyone who knows me though can tell you I'm a really laid back guy... but when I see that John 'Buttman' Stagliano has been
indicted on 'obscenity' charges, I'm hard pressed to feel apathy about it.

Now, while I have two lawyers in family, read a couple books and have watched enough Law & Order to know a thing or two, law isn't exactly my cup of tea. So I'll give you the gist on this but supply the necessary links if you want to really get into it like I did.

Before we go to that, let's first go over the little bit I do know in regards to obscenity law.

According to Miller v. California, in order for material to be deemed legally obscene, a court must determine the following:

Whether the average person, applying contemporary community standards, would find that the work, taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest,

Whether the work depicts/describes, in a patently offensive way, sexual conduct or excretory functions specifically defined by applicable state law,

Whether the work, taken as a whole, lacks serious literary and/or artistic, political, or scientific value.
Now, and this is very important to note... the Miller Test was written in 1973...

As in, long before we would have the pleasure of watching people fondle each other in hot tubs (i.e. Real World) or do whatever they deem necessary to win the affections of a quasi famous person (Tila Tequila, New York) or a celebrity passed their prime (Flavor of Love, Rock of Love).

In fact, part of me wonders just how much of what we see
everyday on cable television would be considered 'obscene' by the 'community standards' of 1973.

A few days ago, I posted the findings of Google Trends about the Top Ten Cities Most Likely to Search for Obscene Material but I never go into the reason why they did this research. A defense lawyer in an obscenity trial in Florida wants to use the data to prove that 'community standards' may be a bit more varied than the morality police may believe it to be.

In short... subjectivity shouldn't be allowed to send a motherfucker to
prison.

All right, I have an idea what you might be thinking... "Alex, isn't the entire legal process more or less based on subjectivity?"

And to some degree, you would be right to think that. I mean, in a murder case, the prosecution has to prove the act
beyond a reasonable doubt to twelve people who probably don't even want to be there. Those twelve people hear everything they, along with the defense has to say and make a determination about the fate of the convicted. We have all seen this process go awry more than once...

However, with something like murder, extortion, fraud, rape, (you get the point) there's at least some sort of frame work to work with. The majority of society agrees that taking someone's life, someone's money or sexual consent is not right. All the prosecution has to do in this matter is prove whether or not the convicted actually did these things.

Obscenity though, is a matter of taste... and last I checked, the Constitution wasn't designed to control taste. Yeah, I know people like Don Imus, and Howard Stern have gotten in trouble a time or two with the FCC. Maybe, a website that promotes hatred gets shut down but no one goes to jail. Unless, it is proven that their speech (porn is protected under the First Amendment) was directly responsible to the harm of another person.

Apparently, as reported here the indictment is for films involving squirting, anal squirting and/or enemas. Does any of this sound like it would be directly harmful to another person?

I'll admit... squirting is pretty cool to look at, but I wouldn't spend my money (and by that I mean my time downloading) on any porn movie that specializes in the genre... double goes for anything involving anal. And I'm willing to bet that somewhere, someone who enjoys porn wouldn't give Ass Parade (site I enjoy) a second look.

Point being... some of us like looking at a girl's nice, big ass, others want to see milk shooting out of a girl's ass and we should all be able to seek out porn that will give us exactly what we're looking for... regardless of whether I (or someone else) isn't necessarily into it.

Lest we forget everyone... pornography is produced, filmed, performed, consumed and intended for consenting adults (more or less). Sure, I'm willing to concede that little Jimmy should probably keep his eyes away from it but if you are going to go there, he should probably keep his eyes away from half of the shit that comes on television.

But potential damage it may do to our children of America aside, no one should have the legal power to regulate our goddamn taste or tell us whatever perversion we decide to indulge in (or watch) is 'obscene' and as such punishable by fine or imprisonment.

This shouldn't even be a fucking discussion...

~ Alex Rose

7.19.2008

Alex and the Unintentional Awesome Monday...

"Do you smoke?" She asks.

I shoot her the look of contempt I give people who ask me stupid fucking questions. I flash the half lit cigarette in my hand.

"I meant weed," she clarifies. It's been awhile since I've had any drugs. Before I was only half listening to the conversations going on around me... now I'm interested.

"It's not at the top of my list but I won't say no if it's in front of me."

She stares off into space for a moment... maybe she's hit the bong one too many times.

"Wanna come smoke with me?" She asks with a slight glimmer in her eye.


Ever find yourself in a situation where you end up getting a hell of a lot more than you bargained for?

Normally, Monday is reserved for chilling with a few friends after spending the weekend drinking and making an abject fool of myself.

This was not one of those Mondays...

It started that way. 'Service' was packed as usual and I'm on the patio bullshitting with 'Jones' while we smoke and I brag about the sins I've committed in the last few days.

Then, my boy 'Lance' rolls up with two girls... I'm slightly intrigued but don't think much of it. Like most of my male friends, he doesn't have a difficult time meeting women.

Like any guy, I check them out. The one on the right is tall and that's literally all I remember about her. I'm not sure how someone can be that unremarkable.

The one of the left was slightly more promising. Long black hair, pretty eyes, decent figure... an opinion that would change later. Problem was, she's short... maybe 5'1" and I'm not LeBron James but I like my women near eye level.

I'm not in the mood to chase tail so I'm polite and then think nothing more of them.

I head inside. Service has everything I could want in a bar. Leather couches, huge ass bar, pool tables and a lack of pretension.

Granted, there's also plenty of 'look at me I'm cool' hipsters, skanks who make my eyes burn and people who give drunken debauchery a bad name but I have yet to discover bar utopia.

One of the coolest parts is the projector screen where they either show weird movies or classic grindhouse porn. I look up and some Cary Grant type tosses some girl on a bed and gets her to play with herself. Then, he brings some other chick and they start to fuck while he watches and drinks scotch.

Two things come to mind while I'm watching this: One, this guy is my hero and two they don't make porn like they used to.

As you might expect, everyone notices this and some guys start pointing and hollering like they've never seen pussy before while most of the girls are looking on curiously appalled.

I see the girls from earlier watching. The tall one I don't remember shit about looks like she's watching a car crash; the short one 'S,' looks kind of interested.

And suddenly so am I. Hey... any girl who can appreciate grindhouse porn is my kind of girl.

Next thing I know, I'm giving her a history lesson on the genre which prompts her to ask what I do for a living.

"I'm a writer."

"What do you write?"

"Well, I can write about anything... but mostly I write about sex."

"Get the fuck outta here... you serious?"

I nod and her eyes light up. When I first got into sex research while in college, I thought girls would just think I'm a perv and avoid me like the plague. Well... I am a perv but my chosen career path has helped my cause.

As she said in the morning after the second time we fucked:

"It'd suck if you were a shitty lay cause of what you do,"

Fair point...

We spend about four hours outside of 'Lance's' apartment getting blazed and talking. I was high, so I don't remember shit but with the help of 'S' the day after here are some highlights.

"So I'm staring at this fence and I'm sitting here like... man, how the hell they make the fence on the other side exactly the same?! Then I realized it's just a shadow."

Drugs do terrible things to people.

Irony = a white Jewish girl who grew up in the suburbs talking to a black person about racism, classism and her experiences in West Africa. This is my life...

In response to me making fun of her because she's short: "I like being small... it really comes in handy." When my skinny ass props her up on the trunk of her car while we're making out, I begin to understand.

The sun was coming out and I'm on top of her in the passenger seat of my car. I suggest we go back to my house. She's reluctant at first but not enough to end up naked in my bed about two hours later.

Postscript:

Apparently I suck at one night stands unless I'm away from home (I'll save that for another day). An unusual meeting, and a shitload of unusual circumstances (there's a lot of shit I left out due to context) and the random girl I met at a bar is now my significant other.

I'm not sure how the fuck I allowed to this happen. Gentlemen... do not go out like I did. Do not make your one night stand breakfast in the morning... just kick them out and throw their underwear out behind them. You don't want to end up like me.

Anyway, I told her she's the most quotable woman I've ever fucked. My favorite line thus far:

"P.S., my vagina and my lip are almost all better and my hair is officially detangled."

In reference to the first weekend we spent together... Twelve mitzvahs and a stack of condoms later.

Oh yeah... about her figure. I had no idea such an amazing ass could exist on a woman so short. I mean... it's damn near perfect. It has just enough 'bounce' on it without being sloppy. You learn something new everyday...

~ Alex Rose

7.09.2008

Alex Rose and Four Bottles of Wine...

Four people...

Four bottles of wine...

A game of 'Sorry' that wasn't finished...

'Talladega Nights' was hardly watched... by the time it came on, I don't think I could see the television.

The brilliant idea to go swimming...

The really brilliant idea to go swimming without clothes on...

2 dicks, 2 pussies... four awesome tits and two gorgeous asses (sorry 'Sparrow' you're not one of the two dude)

No sex but a good time was still had by all. I woke up the next morning on a friends couch, curled up, feeling like I've been jabbed with a hammer and wondering how the hell I got there.

I was right though... wine drunk is fucking awesome.

~ Alex Rose