A Hedonist's Manifesto...

"Ladies and Gentlemen... we are gathered here today to get through this thing called Life..."


The proper hedonist worships the unholy trinity of sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.

We throw caution (and occasionally) our underwear to the wind... that is if we're even wearing any.

With that said, we go where the winds of life carry us, leaving our tossed away under things behind.

We eat, drink, live, love, fuck (but never sleep) in the night. Hello darkness... you're one of my dearest friends.

Sunrise > than sunset... unless it's your second sunset in a row without sleep. Now would be a good time to put down the amphetamines.

Full inventory of 'excuse' days is wholly necessary. Because 'sick' and 'weekend bender' are entirely interchangeable.

The proper hedonist always remembers... if you don't ask, you don't get.

We observe rules like a herd of Hindu cows (see "rule." read: suggestion... especially if the authorities aren't around)

For a hedonist, life is lived on the edge; from here, you can see everything you cannot from the center.

Another's pleasure is never judged. Rather, we taste them for ourselves... we may end up enjoying them.

"Never" isn't in the hedonist vocabulary. "No" however (and this is more towards the ladies) is.

We make mistakes... though we prefer to call it "testing our boundaries."

The proper hedonist never experiences any of the following: regret, guilt or shame. Peace, love and honesty on the other hand are experienced often.

The flask or any method of transporting alcohol is an essential accessory for the proper hedonist. Other accessories may include (though most certainly aren't limited to) rolled dollar bills, condoms, handcuffs or a certain diamond shaped blue pill.

This one is simple: give love, get love... give drink, get drink.

A hedonist always remembers personal happiness is paramount; yours, ours and yes... even theirs.

Much respect goes to the virtues of risk, taboo, controversy and skinny dipping.

And finally... when you wake up in the morning with a new 'friend' next to you and your brain pulsating, smile to yourself and remember the world needs us... because no one wants to party with their accountants.

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Hello... once again, my name is Alex Rose and starting this Monday, this space will be used to share tales of me making an ass of myself with utter impunity with the viewing public. Mostly though, I'm going to discuss, in great detail (and from various 'angles') everyone's favorite extracurricular activity. On Thursday's, I would like to do sort of a question of the week segment so any brave soul that would like to be my first guinea pig (I assure you... I mean that in the best way possible) show me what you got here:

Scarlett.Revolver@gmail.com

Though it should go without saying, for those of you super scared about someone you're close to discovering how fucked up you really are, know that my primary interest is getting inside your head... not destroying your life. Hell, you don't even have to tell me your name if you don't want to. Regardless, your secret is safe with me and at this point in my life, I've seen too much (and done much more) to cast any judgments. I'm not your reverend kids... just your neighborhood sex columnist. Now, I'll be spending the next three nights in dark rooms filled with sweaty people rubbing against each other, likely drunk off my ass and making a fool of myself. Enjoy your weekend everyone...

~ Alex Rose